Tactical empathy. What comes to mind when you think about it? Would you agree that it’s a gateway to establishing trust and psychological safety?

Say it with me, “I don’t have all the answers.”

Better ideas from others can feel like a threat. Say what?😳 Yep. Especially, when people we deem as "lesser than" consciously or unconsciously, have better ideas than we do, it can feel like a critique or threat to our value.

I coach executives and leaders on becoming even more inclusive and can certainly attest to the commonality of this visceral response. Acknowledging and mitigating the reaction is, unfortunately, much less prevalent.

When we feel our value is associated with having all the answers, it is especially tough to accept feedback or an opinion that challenges our thinking.

As humans, we need to belong as much as we need to eat. Being genuinely connected to a social group is vital to our survival. As a result, the need to belong has a powerful influence over our actions.

Many of us are starving to belong at work. And just like hunger pangs, the experience is usually undetectable to those with a full belly.

Worried about shame and guilt now? In the future, how successful will kids be collaborating across differences? Will they struggle to accept direction from leaders who don’t look or think like them? How ashamed will they feel when confronted with the reality that they are woefully ill-prepared.

Have you ever had good intentions but your biased thoughts deterred you from following through with your “good” intention? Well guess what, you are not alone. Many leaders and people in general, actually do mean well. More often than not, our biased thoughts keep us from acting on our good intentions. Here is a simple solution. Change your habits by embracing your bias thoughts, then make a conscious choice to adjust your actions.

Our physiological need to belong works in the same way. By excluding others I’m more excepted by my “tribe”, which justifies exclusion and makes it feel right. Some of our social circles are defined by the extent to which we think alike and exclude others. We find belonging through exclusion.