Are you socially fit? Or are your peopling skills a bit rusty?
Picture this:
You step on the bathroom scale.
You glance at the number.
You think, “Huh. Time to pay a little more attention to… whatever is going on here.”
We do this with our physical fitness all the time.
But almost none of us step on a social scale.
And yet decades of research – including Harvard’s 85-year Study of Adult Development – keep shouting the same message: it is the quality of our relationships, more than money, status, or even perfect bloodwork, that predicts our happiness and long-term health.
In my book, Help Them Thrive®, I call this out plainly: we are not wired to go it alone. We are wired for connection.
So let us talk about your social fitness.
Is Your Social Life In Shape? Let’s do a social fitness check-in before the holiday season so we can people better.
I grew up in a neighborhood where everybody’s front porch was a hangout spot. The picture above is the porch where I spent the majority of my childhood!
On summer nights, adults claimed the porch chairs, kids claimed the street, and life felt like one big block party. Someone always had Kool-Aid. Someone always had a story. And everyone had people.
Melissa’s boys eating watermelon on the porch of her childhood home.
Fast-forward to today.
We have more “friends” than ever on social media, but many of us are eating lunch at our desks, scrolling in bed, and quietly wondering, “Where is my village?”
If that sounds familiar, this is your gentle, blameless nudge:
It might be time to check your social fitness.
What is “social fitness,” really?
Think of social fitness as:
Your capacity to build, nurture, and show up well in your relationships – with friends, family, colleagues, and your wider community.
Just like physical fitness is not about having a six-pack, social fitness is not about being the life of the party.
It is about:
Having people you can call when life comes crashing down at 2:00 a.m.
Feeling seen, valued, and safe with a few trusted humans.
Investing in those connections on purpose, not just when your calendar accidentally aligns.
Psychologists call social connection a core human need – as essential as food and sleep. Lack of it is linked to worse mental health, inflammation, and even higher mortality.
So, if you are feeling “off,” lonely, or a little crispy around the edges, it might not be that you are broken. It might be that your social muscles are just out of practice.
Step on the (gentle) social scale: A quick Social Fitness Check-In
No judgment. No gold stars. This is purely awareness.
For each statement, rate yourself from 1 to 5:
1 = “Not at all true right now”
5 = “Very true right now”
Connection
I have at least two people (outside of work emergencies) I can call when I am hurting.
I talk with someone I care about, just to connect (not to solve a problem), at least once a week.
I feel like I belong somewhere —a team, friend group, community, or circle —where I can show up as myself.
Energy
After spending time with my people, I usually feel more energized than drained.
There are at least a few relationships in my life that feel mutual: we listen, support, and cheer for each other.
I have at least one person who knows what I am going through at work and emotionally has my back.
Intentionality
I actively reach out to others, not just wait for them to remember me.
I make time for connection (coffee, calls, texts, walks) the way I do for meetings and appointments.
I am willing to be a bit vulnerable – sharing more than “I’m fine” – with at least a few trusted people.
I am open to making new friends or rebuilding my “village,” even if it feels awkward at first.
Now, take a breath and look at your scores:
Mostly 4s and 5s 👍🏼: Your social life is pretty fit. Keep training those connection muscles.
Mostly 2s and 3s 💪🏼: You are in the “getting back to the gym” phase. Lots of potential, just needs some reps.
Mostly 1s and 2s 👋🏼: This is your invitation, not an indictment. You deserve support, and it is okay to start small.
Remember: this is not a pass/fail test. It is a snapshot. Awareness is how change begins.
Tiny “reps” to build your social fitness
You do not need a personality transplant. You need small, consistent reps.
Here are a few simple ones:
The 3-minute reach-out
Text one person:
“Hey, you crossed my mind. How are you, really?”
The upgrade from “fine”
The next time someone asks how you are, add one honest sentence:
“I am okay, a little overwhelmed, but grateful. How are you?”
The micro-gathering
Invite one or two people to something you are already doing: walking the dog, a coffee run, or a virtual coworking hour.
The holiday party game plan
Instead of bracing for small talk, go in with three connection-building questions in your pocket:
“What is something surprisingly good that happened for you this year?”
“What are you looking forward to in 2026?”
“Who is someone you are grateful for right now?”
These little actions may look small, but over time they carve new neural pathways in your brain, turning “I avoid people because it is awkward” into “I can do this, and it is actually kind of fun.” Consistent social experiences literally help your brain feel safer with connection and less reactive to stress.
Why this matters now, not “someday”
We are heading into holiday party season, a time when connection is everywhere, but belonging is not guaranteed.
Some people will walk into rooms feeling rooted, supported, and ready to connect. Others will walk in feeling invisible, anxious, or like they need to armor up.
Your social fitness is what helps you:
Spot your people in the room.
Start deeper conversations than “So, what do you do?”
Leave feeling full, not emotionally hungover.
You do not have to wing it this year.
You can train for it.
Take the first step towards better connections, stronger relationships, and a boost in mood. I welcome you to join me in getting socially fit in my upcoming virtual experience, Thriving Connections: Get Socially Fit!
If this conversation is tugging at you, I would love to help you go deeper.
Thriving Connections: Get Socially Fit! is happening on December 10 at 11:00 am CST.
In this live, social, and interactive experience, we will:
Explore the science behind why humans literally thrive in healthy relationships.
Do a guided social fitness check-up together (no public sharing required).
Practice conversation prompts that move you beyond small talk.
Create a personal “connection game plan” to help you feel more confident and at home at holiday gatherings.
You will walk away with:
A clearer picture of your current “social shape.”
Simple, brain-friendly tactics to deepen existing relationships.
Courage (and scripts!) to rebuild or expand your village.
…and you might make some new friends, too!
If you are ready to get socially fit for the holidays, and beyond, I would be honored to be your coach and guide.
👉🏼 Register for Thriving Connections: Get Socially Fit!
Act fast! Use promo code “peopling” for $50 off. Register soon, this offer is only available for the first 50 people.