Avoid Pissed-Off-Posting…Even if Your Brain Craves It
My client, let’s call her Zee, was scrolling late, already tense from a long day, when a political post took her over the edge. She had to set “them” straight.
She fired back. Sharp. Certain. Hit post.
Within minutes, the replies arrived. Some cheered, “Exactly!”👍🏼 “Preach!”👏🏼, and every agreement gave her a tiny surge of relief and satisfaction. “We sure showed them!” Until… the “others” swarmed in to berate her. The more they piled on, the more she defended. The thread spun into a trench war with strangers. 🔥
Her friends jumped in to defend her because they “had her back.” What did it change? Nothing. Except elevate the blood pressure for a bunch of random people, Zee’s friends, and Zee. She finally closed the app, went to bed, but just lay there thinking about the ridiculous ideology of “those people”.
She woke up the next morning and immediately reached for her phone. The comments kept pinging. Her chest tightened with anxiety. “I did not change a single mind,” she told me. “And now I have an argument living on my feed.”
That afternoon, a director at work joked about “Zee’s late-night politics.” The tone said it all: they disagreed. Was it fair? Maybe not. Was it real? Absolutely. The thread had crossed from the internet into the office, tagging her professional reputation along the way.
She decided: it wasn’t worth it.
Why do we get caught up in situations like this? Blame the brain. 🧠
1) The “zing” is a reward loop.
When people agree with us online, such as through likes and shares, the brain’s reward network (including the ventral striatum) lights up. That feels good and teaches us to repeat the behavior, even if it is not productive. Platforms amplify this with variable rewards (sometimes there is a new comment; sometimes not), which are especially habit-forming. That is why Zee kept checking and posting.
2) Threat + validation = more heat, not more clarity.
Being attacked online cues the brain’s threat system (fight, flight, freeze). “Fighting” can look like replying faster and harsher. Meanwhile, co-signs from our own side feel bonding, but if we just rehash grievances together, stress rises and mood drops. Researchers call this co-rumination: it strengthens closeness and increases internalizing symptoms like anxiety when we stay in the problem instead of moving to a plan.
Gossiped lately? You were likely co-ruminating.
3) The catharsis myth.
“Blowing off steam” by venting feels satisfying for a minute, but tends to keep anger elevated. Recent research suggests that arousal-increasing venting (punching keys, punching bags) usually feeds the flame; arousal-lowering practices (slow breathing, mindfulness) help it settle.
4) The social spillover is real.
Online trench wars map onto offline silos. We huddle with those who validate us (familiarity instinct), seek confirming evidence (confirmation instinct), and avoid tough cross-group conversations. That “us versus them” energy does not stay on our feeds; it leaks into teams, prospective customers, recruiters, etc., shaping how others see our judgment and openness at work.
Check out my blog on The Silo Effect, which explains this concept clearly and how shared values and psychological safety can help reverse it.
Prevent Pissed-Off Posting with 4Ps:
✅ Platform: Draft your post in Notes, not on the platform, then ask:
✅ Purpose: What’s the likely outcome?
✅ People: Would I say this face-to-face?
✅ Proof: Are these credible sources?
Feeling the “zing” is human. So is the crash. The win is not never feeling it, the win is catching the loop, protecting your relationships (online and off), and prioritizing outcomes over reactions.